Solo Trip to Hawaii 2017 – Part 3 (Goodbye!)

I can confidently say that my solo trip to Hawaii was best 3 weeks I’ve ever had in my entire life.

Every meal was made for me, yoga classes and meditation at my doorstep, adventures each new day. I camped on a beach, slept in a treehouse, swam with turtles, saw some wales, went to a full moon drumming circle on the beach, saw a volcano, climbed above waterfalls, took selfies with chickens, floated in the warm pond at night and watched the stars, lived in harmony with the Pigs and Geckos, watched the sun and moon rise and set and took hula lessons.

What was really interesting was I didn’t realize I was going to a gay predominant resort. That was a big surprise but it was super awesome and diverse! I got to watch them be free, be themselves, own who they are and it was so freakin beautiful! They were in a state of pure joy. I got to to be a part of their matrix for days on end, which normally I wouldn’t get as an opportunity. Sometimes I felt left out, but that’s what lead me to internalize which turned out to be a good thing.

Hawaii was an amalgamation of a multitude of experiences. Experiences that helped me to know myself better. So many conscious conversations and realizations to remind me of who I really am and what I am really capable of. It brought to surface all the wounds I have not yet healed in myself, but it also showed me what I love about myself, what is hidden inside of me, what I forgot about my self. Turns out I am charming as hell! If you put me in a country by myself with other like minded conscious people, I’ll have more friends in 3 days than I have made in my entire life in Canada.

I found that life is no longer simply a matter of what happens out there in the world, but also what is going on internally.The Universe and your surroundings rearrange themselves to bring you what you believe and to reflect your existing reality. So it is literally as within so without. The quality of your thoughts are creating your life.

I definitely found what I was looking for there, which turned out to be MYSELF. In everyday life, I got so easily absorbed in the lives of everyone around me, only identifying with duties, family and business first. I’ve been de-prioritizing myself and my business for other people. Sometimes you have to lose the distractions/people in your life to realize what you really are at the core and what the hell you want. Not what everyone else tells you that you are or should be or should do. This trip presented plenty of time to introspect and embrace the silence around me. It wasn’t until I was calmer than a cucumber, that I realized I am actually batshit crazy. Why am I running around 24 hours of the day trying to be everything to everyone and forgetting to do what makes me happy? I forgot how to have fun as easily as I forget where my glasses are. Silly me for always taking a rain cheque on myself, for never doing anything I enjoy. If I’m not happy I can’t actually be present or pleasant to anyone else around me. A happy loved me, enables me to love and care for everyone else around me. It also helps to enjoy their company instead of wishing they would leave so that I can get back to my business.

Traveling solo reminded me of what I actually choose to do when I am all by myself. Do I sleep late or rise early? Do yoga? Meditate? Journal? Join a Dance class? make friends with strangers? Do I watch every sunset or moon rise? or do I read 2 books back to back? go on a spontaneous adventure? have cereal for supper? Beer at breakfast? Do I get lost in the forest? Do I lay in my bed for 8 hours watching the sun go up and then go down? Do I say yes to adventure or play it safe? do I answer my text messages or no? Do I tell people to piss off when they are out of line? So, for the rest of my life do I want to focus on true self-expression and self-actualization by seeking experiences and activities which provide ultimate personal fulfillment within life on the physical plane? Yup. I am not interested in anything but doing something I love well, living up to my true potential, and finding inner satisfaction.

Travelling alone helped me become more comfortable going with the flow. I realized that If I just surrendered to the universe and had zero expectations, that I would be provided for in ways that I could not have even imagined. Everyday my mind was blown over and over again. Everything I asked for, I got. Every day proved to me that I was in the flow. Molecules were moving for me. I was indeed in the right place at the right time. My intuition called me there and I trusted and responded appropriately. Everyday was a beautiful day, full of gifts, beautiful experiences and beautiful souls. My god the people. I have never truly loved so many people instantaneously in my whole life, nor have I had that many conscious conversations in sun a short amount of time. It was like I knew them my whole life. I was able to cultivate some life long relationships with some pretty incredible, interesting, loving and wise people. The thing was … because of my awareness and openness, all of these people, some more than others, mirrored back to me, little things about myself. Good and bad. But it changed me forever.

My trip was about learning what else I was scared of, what I have been ignoring, what I should NOT be putting up with. It was about looking fear in the eyes, living on the edge, letting go of judgment, getting back to myself, owning my rebelliousness, throwing the rules out the window, challenging my boundaries and saying yes to things I would normally say no to out of fear, but sticking up for myself and putting some boundaries in places that have been missing. IT’S TIME TO FIRE THE PEOPLE WHO DON’T BELIEVE IN ME.

Chatter got big while I was away. To most I was inspirational, ballsy, or remarkable and that my actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more (which I agree to) or to some, I hear through the grapevine that I was selfish, bad or having a mental breakdown. For the love of Pete. It was a BREAKTHROUGH, not a breakdown. In life, there is a need every now and then to find some time and space for introspection to reflect within oneself. God forbid someone goes on a journey of self, or does something spontaneous or has one last time alone before a marriage or children, or takes a hiatus and fresh air 3 weeks before a big business endeavor begins and my ass gets to be inside 14 hours a day for 7 days a week manning a business. BAHHH. This equally frustrates me and makes me laugh. Who/what are you living for? Are you even living? How can you turn something so beautiful into something so negative? Do you do that daily? What about the greater meaning? What about the clarity and consciousness? Jeeze. Wake up and smell the roses. Your living in the mental stone ages. Negative and unkind people get the hell out of my life, PLEASE!

The taste of freedom away from these people and the bliss of nature grew into a strong desire to abandon the superficial existence. This means those superficial people too. Although, for the past two years I’ve been headed to an existence of an authentic individual, this trip most definitely accelerated it. I became more aware of my thoughts, choices, patterns, behaviors and my surroundings back at home. I was able to step back and re-evaluate my life and environment. I realized there are still some people I should not allow into my life or my thoughts. I allow people to think they are entitled to their opinions of how I run my life or business. Or that I should be at their beckon call. I realized that I am lacking some serious boundaries with most people in my life. I am a natural born leader, entrepreneur, risk taker, go getter, fear puncher in the facer, old habit breaker, conscious awakener, spiritual guider. Risk taking is in my blood and I CANT live without it. The thought of a vanilla life with vanilla people, makes me gag just thinking about it. If you have an issue with what I do and how I do it, it says more about you than it says about me, so I’m going to stop taking it personally. I believe in myself and my ideas and talents and no more will I try and convince people in my life to believe in that. I honor and love my craziness, because guess what? It’s the crazy ones who end up making a difference in the world. Calculated risks make the difference between an ordinary and an extraordinary life.

We have 4 types of people in this world who operate this way in life, love, relationships and career:

1. People who find comfort in security and are totally fine that there will be little reward with that. It’s what they genuinely want; (ok, awesome, fair enough)
2. People who secretly want different and want more but are too afraid of the risks to go get it or they lack discipline and gumption; (ok, I get it, its scary, but you can do it!)
3. People who want more but are confined due to taking care of an ill or disabled family member; (very understandable)
4. People who see past the restrictions go and get everything and anything their heart desires. (YAH!) You even see disabled people doing this. Their perseverance is so inspiring despite all the odds against them.

I don’t have an issue or pass judgment on any of these scenarios. I would like otherwise for you, because I know you can do it, but it’s your life but just do me a favor and don’t criticize other peoples lives or their ideas or risks or life purpose. (Here’s some advice only in the case where you don’t like your life and you want change) It’s easy to stay where you are even you don’t like it. I get that its easy to to play it safe and play it small….and guess what? nothing changes! And when nothing changes, you feel stuck and alone and miserable and its no one’s fault but your own. You are not a tree, so move damnit! You deserve to have a life you love and I want you to have it. Growth can only happen when you step out of you comfort zone. Yes its scary, but Befriend fear! You know what fear is? it’s just the border of the life you currently know. Our vision lives outside of our comfort zone. What’s your vision? What do you love? Follow the spark of interest. What do you want? Pay attention to those longings and discontents, they are there for a reason… they are your answer. Once you make up your mind and get clear, molecules will move, doors will open for you, but until then a fuzzy picture provides fuzzy results. PEOPLE COME ON. In this exact moment in time, we are living in the safest place, at the safest time, with the most opportunity, technology, resources, in human history! Life expectancy and education are on the rise!!! We have Antibiotics, modern sanitation, household wealth, birth control. Females have rights. We had a black president. We have electricity and instant running water. We have air conditioning. No need to forage for food, we have grocery stores on every block. No need to washboard your clothes or hand wash your dishes, why we have washing machines for those! So how is it possible to be living in the safest time in human history, yet at the exact same time to be so scared? The real respect here lies with those ancestors who risked it all with little to nothing. No google, no grants, no GPS, no courses, no counselling, no visa, no uber, no computers with infinite resources at your fingertips. They didn’t have the ability to communicate instantaneously to people on other side of planet by texting, emailing, Facebook and calling – they used telegrams or mail. At one point they didn’t have cars, motorcycles, buses, boats, trains and planes. Reality check, WE CAN FLY!!! How lucky are we? What about when there was no airplanes? (thanks Jon for the reminder). You had to travel by boat or horse or foot yo. It took 30 years to get from New York to California. OH THE LAND OF OPPORTUNITY. I have no excuse but to persevere, after all I am given a vast ocean of opportunity and choices.

I spent most of my life listening to “conventional wisdom” and felt really guilty that it didn’t resonate. It took me years to realize I was unhappy because I was listening that that garbage. Those are OLD beliefs and OLD paradigms. I was trying to fit into a box that I didn’t belong in. Life is not black and white. It is in color. I’ve learned that people do not particularly like it when life changes, and life always changes, which irritates them. The world is changing a lot right now, and except for the recession, is generally improving. But that involves everybody learning new stuff and thinking differently, which usually seems to piss off most people over the age of forty. Don’t buy into that nonsense. Like I said, this is the best time in human history, and it’s only going to get better.

I want to look back at my life on my death bed and be damn proud and satisfied with what I Created! I don’t want to come to the end of my life to find out that I haven’t really lived at all. If thats what you want and you want to settle in your life for a job you don’t like, a marriage you despise, no money in your bank account, people that treat you like shit, zero personal growth, that’s cool that’s your choice, but where my choice comes in is where people come crying to me about how much their life sucks when they do absolutely NOTHING to change it. No more. Respect me by leaving me out of it please. I choose not to be involved ever again. I will never ask or care again. I work incredibly hard to maintain my happiness and I won’t allow anyone to affect that again.

Here’s the thing about life and risks and living on the edge. It ain’t always going to be glamorous but it will be worth it.

You can’t play a game of bowling without knocking down the pins. What do you do after they fall? Sit down and cry? No, you set the pins back up and play again. Setting the pins back up is just a part of the game. When problems arise in business or personal life, this just provides you the chance to set the pins up again. You most likely have what it takes to complete the game. So don’t be afraid when the pins fall. You can set them upright again. And well, if you never play the game, you’ll never know.

Solo Trip to Hawaii 2017 – Part 2 – My Birthday!

I know everyone would like an update since I’ve gone Rogue. I’ve been trying to limit technology, so I will try and be quick.

Here is a video of the treehouse im staying in: https://www.facebook.com/melaniebelley2/videos/10158363645845494/?t=3

Day 1
Utter and absolutely overwhelm as I woke up to see the jungle for the first time in my entire life. It had been night time when I arrived here so I didn’t get to see much. There aren’t any words to describe the beauty. The entire day proved over and over again, that It was without a doubt, it is a portal. A portal to heaven. There is no place or thing that could ever be feel or look as beautiful to me. This place is very powerful. It is a force that pulls you in. It is a place that cannot be described with words, but can only be felt from the heart. It is transformative. It’s astounding to be aligned with the energy of this place and the feeling like you are coming home to your tribe. It’s like you’ve been an alien your whole life and there were other aliens out there too this entire time, just waiting in this space, accumulating since 1970 and each year growing to date. However, If you are not the hippy/rustic/wanna get down with nature type though, this place definitely isn’t for you.

On my way to breakfast (which is sounded by a conch) I had the crap scared out of me by something round and black. I thought it was a bear rustling in the bushes (typical Canadian) but there are no bears here. To my surprise it was a wild boar with its baby. I had several more of these encounters throughout the day, not one which startled me any less. That will take a while to get used to. I also met some wild kitties along the way and a ton of mongoose. Mongoose are like a squirell/gopher and super cute but destructive apparently. One of the volunteers has a pet mongoose that she found paralyzed 4 years ago. She took him home and cared for him ever since. Its pretty incredible to see a wild animal be so trusting of a human as it had no other choice but to be vulnerable to a human since it could not walk but only could crawl. He loves to be petted and get his belly scratched but he is not fond of men. It is illegal to have a pet mongoose or to even to have a vet treat a pet mongoose as they are so overpopulated. And Ill have to say, I am having a hard time adapting to the 5-10 Gecko’s in my bedroom. I didn’t ask to have roomates. Especially not that type. This is another thing I will need to get over.

I had a Lomi Lomi massage today and immediately made my first friend at breakfast and we had a good chat for several hours. Then again several others throughout the day. Every time a conversation or event ended, a new one intercepted. It was connection after connection. Making new friends, and having more deep and meaningful conversations with beautiful souls. The conversations that I have had today have been eye opening and life changing on a personal level.

I also got to have some mind blowing stories of how people got here. Everyones story is so unique and inspiring. Many of these people have done the same thing that I have done. Most have gone even 10 steps bigger than I. Majority of these people came here 5-25 years ago as a guest and ended up staying and volunteering and never returning home. Some of the others have been travelling around the world for years at all time gaining wisdom, experience and spiritual insight.

Day 2
This morning I woke up in my tree house at 6:30 am and it was a lot cooler than it had been when I went to sleep. It rained last night and so the rain came through my screen walls a little and dampened the floor. I put on my bathing suit and dress and made my way to the breakfast hut. I had peaches and cream oats, papaya and scrambled eggs and toast. I had breakfast with a lovely girl named Marian, who is from British Columbia. We chatted for quite some time and then Franny (a lovely volunteer) offered to take me to town to explore. We were to take Julia (another sweet volunteer) to the hospital first as she broke her arm in a freak kitchen accident trying to break someone’s fall. The poor thing. After we dropped her off, Franny took me to target for a hat and Safeway for some sandwiches and a 6 pack of beer of Hawaiian beer. Yes, you hear dme right, they have liquor at safeway. They carry booze in all of their liquor stores which was really unusual but convenient. From there she took me to the waterfalls which was absolutely stunning. It is mesmerizing how there is so much beauty in the world that I haven’t even scratched the surface of. From the falls we made our way to a beach.

The universe really outdid itself today. This morning when I woke up, I pre-thanked it for providing me with a beautiful day filled with Magic and Beauty. The universe did not fall short on its response to my request. After we ate our sandwiches and had a drink we went down in the water. Low and behold A GIANT TURTLE swam up to us and decided to hang out for a few hours. For some reason it was not afraid of us at all. It even went so far as to graze against our bellies and legs. This was the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me in my life. I was incredibly overwhelmed with awe of this magnificent giant creature. I couldn’t help but wonder how old he/she was and you couldn’t wipe the smile off my face, even if you tried. I am incredibly grateful for that once in a lifetime experience.

This evening, I played in the pool again, then showered, went for supper with some lovely people from BC and then I took some Hula dance lessons. I am now exhausted from lots of walking today and writing these snippets from my journal from my bed. Tomorrow is an exciting day. It is my 27th birthday and something called Saturn return. The day when Saturn will return to the very same place around the sun as It would have been on the very day that I first came out of the womb. 

Spur of the moment solo trip to Hawaii 2017 (Part 1)

So yesterday I did something crazy. Perhaps insane.

Intuition was unapologetic when it guided me to the computer where I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and booked myself a one way ticket to Hawaii with all my airline points to sleep in a treehouse in a remote area… in the jungle. For 3 whole weeks. Who would I be going with? Just me myself and I. When would I depart??? 19 hours. Not 19 days or 19 weeks.

16.5 hours total of travel! 30 mins to the airport. 4 flights. 3 airport trains. 45 min shuttle to the resort.

My god what did I just do?

At this point, I’ve never been on a plane anywhere alone. I don’t know what the hell im doing. I don’t know how to travel.

I shook up my entire life as I new it, in under 10 minutes.

My mind was running a million miles a minute.
My birthday is in 3 days. I’ll be alone on my birthday.
Who am I to do this? Who am I not to do this?
I’m crazy. This is crazy.
What will everyone think? Who cares what everyone thinks!

What about my responsibilities? What about the dogs? Will Gage be ok? What will gage eat if I don’t cook? What about my business emails and voicemails? I need to clean the house and do laundry and make sure the fridge has groceries first. But wait. Actually. Screw it. No I don’t have to do any of those things. I choose to do them. Those are choices. For once I choose to be irresponsible and Stop caring more about other people than I care about myself! And the end of the day I am the most important person in my life. I came into this world alone and will leave this world alone. I have my whole life as melanie Belley so why not treat her as best as possible?!

I was packing like a crazy banshee with the short time I had. I was stressing about what I would be forgetting. Then finally, I stopped and I remembered what a dear friend said to me yesterday. “Just get there Melanie Don’t worry about the rest.”
So I did it. I just let go to the need to be perfect.

It took me until this moment to realize that my whole life has always been a huge responsibility. While everyone is always off doing whatever they please; I’m always taking care of what needs to be done. Never having any fun. So what about me? Why do I not give myself permission to have fun?. When was the last time I had fun?. I’ve basically been a grandmother since the age of 5. Always mature. Always responsible. Always taking care of and caring about others and being Mama Mel. Always doing the right thing. Always doing what’s expected of me and needed of me. Always doing what everyone else thinks I should be doing. And guess what?! I am sick and tired or if!

Don’t get me wrong, these things definitely served me a purpose; for I would not have become the Melanie I am today but, now it’s time to make my own choices.

I love me, so why am I neglecting me? My Business can wait. I’ve been pounding out the work for a year now. It’s time to take a breather. Within a month of each other my business opens and it’s our wedding day. Next thing you know we will have a couple kids. The next portion of my life will never be the same. I am making a commitment to be a wife. To be a Mom. To be a business owner. To own a yoga and wellness centre. To walk the talk of wellness everyday with eyes always on me. The next portion of my life is a massive bundle of responsibility and anchors (but yes, good ones, that I asked for.)

So let’s do something crazy before that all happens.
The calm before the storm if you will.

So in this moment, What do I know about myself?

1 – I think fast. When I make up my mind, it’s made up.
2 – When im terrified of something, I do it anyway!
3 – I fly by the seat of my pants.
4 – I don’t believe in rules.
5 – I was a lot more scared than I thought I would be.
6 – My life is an incredible journey of lessons.
7 – I can do anything. Be anyone. I will always succeed.
8- I am proud as hell of who I am and how I got here.
9 – life is beautiful and very very short.
10- it’s up to me to write one hell of a life story, because I only get this one as Melanie Belley and I pray I get the gift of being her for another 50-60 years.

For the first time in my life Im feeling emotions I’ve never experienced before. A big whirwind of a million ones put together. Fear, excitement, sadness, anxiety, giddyness. The fact that I don’t have to cook or clean or plan or answer phone calls makes me feels so overwhelmingly peaceful. But, I’ll miss gage and the dogs so much.

I jumped into a giant sea of the unknown.

I mean. I already did that a year ago when I quit my job at the law firm and incorporated my business.

I already did that when I met Gage in Mexico and quit my job in red deer to moved to Sherwood park where he lived.

I already did that when I went on the computer and clicked a mouse and applied for college to something random. No thought behind it. My intuition just said go to red deer. So off I went. Same thing with my yoga training, reiki training and bodytalk training. I made a quick choice and held myself to it.

I already did that when I called the breeder and said I don’t want dogs but Gage does. He only wants one, but get me two. When can I pick them up?

See. I’ve always been crazy. It’s a good thing I found someone who loves me in every moment and let’s me be exactly who I am. And never questions the craziness or chaos. Just straight up supports with nonjudgment.

As I looked out the plane window everything was so tiny. Everything is in perspective. You see the big picture. You can see all of edmonton and it seems easy when you are looking from above. Everything looks toy sized as if you could pick it up and physically maneuver it yourself. So why can’t we apply this to life? Why can’t we just grab life by the balls and go get what we want. It’s so simple but we complicate it so much. Live everyday as it were your last. Look fear in the eyes and do it anyways.

See. Here’s the point. You don’t know until you try. Intuition is a funny thing. A thing that never steers you wrong. I could have “what if’d” everything. But if I did, I wouldn’t be sitting on a plane right now headed towards a spiritual journey in the sun. Heck, I wouldn’t have done half the things in my life to date.

So tonight here I am, Laying in bed in the jungle in a treehouse, listening to the frogs and watching the palm trees move in the wind. This doesn’t feel real. I miss gage and my puppies.

Tomorrow and everyday is yoga and meditation classes, hiking, reading books, eating vegetarian meals that are cooked for me, attending healing circles, meeting like minded people and journalling my life away.

So here I am on yet another spiritual journey.

Today I chose to go within.