This hits hard.
This day last year, I was in Hawaii. After a crazy day of zip-lining, I was sitting on top of a cliff, enjoying a fancy birthday dinner on my 30th birthday, surrounded by a breath-taking view that seemed to be right out of the movies.
I sat there feeling like I knew that life was going to change forever when I got home. I could feel it deeply inside of me to my core. I remember the exact moment later that evening where I was sitting and writing in my journal, feeling so grateful that I had achieved the life of my dreams in it’s entirety. That after all my blood, sweat, tears and so many years of struggling for my business, I had finally “made it” earlier that year. And that despite the hard road I travelled and bad hands that got dealt along the way, somehow all of my goals in life were finally realized and came full circle, I ticked all my boxes. I had also worked so hard to heal myself for the last two years fully immersed and dedicated to trauma therapy, ancestral healing and inner child healing …. and because of this and what it did for me, I somehow truly felt happiness and peace and so much love for myself, which is something I never ever ever thought I would achieve. And although that part felt pretty incredible… my life didn’t feel quite right. Everything was so right, yet so wrong. It was like I spent all my time building a puzzle that was never going to give me the final pieces no matter how hard I tried. Something big was missing. An entirely different puzzle… ♾ ? ♾
All these years I thought I knew where I was headed next and even though I had made so many plans of my own, I didn’t realize that god was busy making very different plans for me and that while I was working so hard to control and force the life I had, it was pointless because I already had a destiny laid out for me, one beyond anything I could ever try to control, and that map was calling me to walk that path whether I liked it or not.
My soul knew this.
I just had to surrender to it all.
I had to exercise every lesson I have ever learned in “non-attachment.”
I had to let my heart take the reigns and tell my ego to hit the road.
I knew I couldn’t fight against the destruction of that old life that the universe was about to throw at me unless I wanted to suffer tremendously.
I just had to have bucket full of faith.
I never thought a year could be as equally painful and beautiful at the same time. I have never experienced such polarity in the way I have this year. And because of that, I found the gift of SO much balance.
I experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows at the same time. I felt AS MUCH grief, fear, anger, sadness, exhaustion and confusion as I did happiness, joy, peace, excitement, clarity, magic and love at its highest vibration.
Life is funny. It rarely ever goes as planned. But it’s such an awesome adventure if you surrender control and hop on the universes roller coaster, it will take you to places and parts of you that you could have never dreamed of.
This year has been so incredibly healing, mystical, transformative, clarifying, inspiring, and terrifying.
I died so much. And I came alive so much.
A lot of flowers came from all that rain.
As much of a discombobulation this past year was, I truly wouldn’t trade this year for anything. ❤️
It changed my life for the better.
I just had to let it.