This day last year, I was in Hawaii. After a crazy day of zip-lining, I was sitting on top of a cliff, enjoying a fancy birthday dinner on my 30th birthday, surrounded by a breath-taking view that seemed to be right out of the movies.
I sat there feeling like I knew that life was going to change forever when I got home. I could feel it deeply inside of me to my core. I remember the exact moment later that evening where I was sitting and writing in my journal, feeling so grateful that I had achieved the life of my dreams in it’s entirety. That after all my blood, sweat, tears and so many years of struggling for my business, I had finally “made it” earlier that year. And that despite the hard road I travelled and bad hands that got dealt along the way, somehow all of my goals in life were finally realized and came full circle, I ticked all my boxes. I had also worked so hard to heal myself for the last two years fully immersed and dedicated to trauma therapy, ancestral healing and inner child healing …. and because of this and what it did for me, I somehow truly felt happiness and peace and so much love for myself, which is something I never ever ever thought I would achieve. And although that part felt pretty incredible… my life didn’t feel quite right. Everything was so right, yet so wrong. It was like I spent all my time building a puzzle that was never going to give me the final pieces no matter how hard I tried. Something big was missing. An entirely different puzzle… ♾ ? ♾
All these years I thought I knew where I was headed next and even though I had made so many plans of my own, I didn’t realize that god was busy making very different plans for me and that while I was working so hard to control and force the life I had, it was pointless because I already had a destiny laid out for me, one beyond anything I could ever try to control, and that map was calling me to walk that path whether I liked it or not.
My soul knew this.
I just had to surrender to it all.
I had to exercise every lesson I have ever learned in “non-attachment.”
I had to let my heart take the reigns and tell my ego to hit the road.
I knew I couldn’t fight against the destruction of that old life that the universe was about to throw at me unless I wanted to suffer tremendously. I just had to have bucket full of faith.
I never thought a year could be as equally painful and beautiful at the same time. I have never experienced such polarity in the way I have this year. And because of that, I found the gift of SO much balance.
I experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows at the same time. I felt AS MUCH grief, fear, anger, sadness, exhaustion and confusion as I did happiness, joy, peace, excitement, clarity, magic and love at its highest vibration.
Life is funny. It rarely ever goes as planned. But it’s such an awesome adventure if you surrender control and hop on the universes roller coaster, it will take you to places and parts of you that you could have never dreamed of.
This year has been so incredibly healing, mystical, transformative, clarifying, inspiring, and terrifying.
I died so much. And I came alive so much.
A lot of flowers came from all that rain.
As much of a discombobulation this past year was, I truly wouldn’t trade this year for anything. ❤️
RESIST the urge to fall back into old patterns and habitual responses. Break old cycles. Understand that WE INHERIT OUR PARENTS AND ANCESTORS KARMA. You can give yourself the opportunity to break out of karmic loops when you respond and react differently than you or your ancestors would have in the past. You will be triggered by events that remind you of situations in your past. Pay attention to the recurring emotional themes from childhood that are present right now. Choose DIFFERENT THIS TIME. Change the story. Rewire the pattern. This is self-love in its highest form. It’s your soul’s way of rescuing YOURSELF. Re-parent yourself. These new choices will recover you and everyone else involved in those timelines so that everyone can dissolve these karmic knots and move forward in harmony and begin a new cycle … or have the courage let go and move on. In doing so, you’ve subconsciously decided to trade an old lense for a new more harmonious one. Your ancestors are jumping for joy as you listen and honor this work. Ask them for any signs/guidance you may need.
If you pay attention, you can connect the dots through experiences from the past year (and your entire lifetime) and see that you have been being guided to work on closing out major cycles from the past RECENTLY and your being guided to collapse old timelines that no longer serve where you are going and who you are becoming. You have a choice to hold on and suffer or let go and thrive. Be brave. Those refusing change are internally struggling. There is so much letting go happening right now… old identities, traits, stories, beliefs, traumas, fears, people, and places – letting go of the old will usher in the new. Things that you gripped so tightly onto, you are now ready to let go of and you are doing so with compassion + forgiveness + love for yourself and others. Intuitive guidance and blessings reach an all time high as you move out of the darkness/illusion and into the light/clarity.
You are beginning to understand that everything is always happening for you, not to you and that painful experiences and detours are blessings and redirections in disguise. Breakdowns are opportunities for growth. Suffering only happens when you resist the natural flow of life and the divinely orchestrated series of events. Things you thought were going wrong were in fact always going right. “Gods rejection is Gods protection” and life is always steering you towards your highest good. Trust that whatever is meant for you will always find you without a shadow of a doubt. What is meant for you will always stick around or will return in better timing. You don’t have to force, beg or control anything. What you chase out of place of lack, you will always repel.
Self-accountability is being highlighted – the only person who has ever hurt, rejected, or betrayed you, is you. Everyone is your mirror, showing you what needs healing inside you. Everything that happens to you in every moment is your teacher if you’d just listen.
Recognize that you are only a victim if you believe you are. You are responsible for everything in your reality. The only person who can give you happiness, peace, love, joy and purpose is yourself. The only one sabotaging you is the one looking back in the mirror.
Spring is in the air and there are no planets in retrograde. Some pressure has been taken off and you are trusting things are going to work out. You can feel the new seeds being planted. A new beginning is coming. Its a great time to clean the closet out and smudge the house and yourself. Check things off your to do list that stress you out and keep you from moving forward.
Your solar plexus is being upgraded. Yellow foods, crystals, clothing and citrus essential oils will be helpful. You may experience physical symptoms in this area like indigestion or heartburn. If you are finding balance in your solar plexus – you will feel empowered, confident, secure, logical, motivated, determined, decisive, collaborative, compassionate, mature. If you are unbalanced in your Solar Plexus you will feel – entitled, righteous, competitive, not willing to be accountable, blameful, resentful, aggressive, immature, manipulative, egotistical, angry, aggressive, low self esteem, lack of energy + drive, poor digestion.
It’s time to be creative, motivated, powerful and purposeful. Stand in your power. Decide that you will never settle and you will never betray your heart again by not going after the life you truly want and need. Use your time wisely and spend it on those who inspire, support and lift you up. Figure out who the best version of yourself is and what it is that you want for your life. Stop making excuses or blaming external variables. Go after what you want and don’t stop until you get it. Life is only what you believe it to be.
Stop being your own bully or abuser. Be your own cheerleader. Be your own inner mother/father/partner. No more self-sacrificial energy. Time for boundaries once and for all. Only victims sacrifice themselves. Save your inner lamb. Putting yourself first is the ultimate goal. Stop enabling or rescuing others and allow them to stand in their power and gain the necessary tools they need in order to do better for themselves next time. Stop wasting your time on relationships that are not equal in vibration or supportive of your growth. Do so lovingly. Stop explaining yourself to people that are committed to misunderstanding you. Some people are not meant to be forever. See people for who they are. Accept them as they are instead of trying to change them into who you want them to be. Start finding people who are already ready to be in your life in the way you require them to be. Part of this might be making space for people who are more in vibrational alignment with your new path. People who understand you at your core. Those who truly see and hear you. Those you can be authentic around and let your barrier down. Those who believe in you and cherish you. Prioritize those who leave you feeling better than they found you. Prioritize relationships who give AND take. Get rid of users who just take. Selfishness is a waste of your time. Notice toxic traits from the beginning. Relationships really should be about seeing things from both perspectives, rather than the need to be right or make someone wrong. We all see things differently. Be willing to see/hear into other perceptions and be willing to communicate your perception. A healthy relationship requires open, caring, honest, equal, loving, compassionate two-way communication. Without this there is no future relationship.
Please comment below about what resonates with you. I’d love to hear what you are working on.
Last night’s intensified but supportive energies of the Full Moon offer a great chance for some self-reflection. Here are some questions based the questions I have asked myself and others throughout the month of January: 1. What feels out of control in your life? 2. What are you controlling too much and need to loosen your grip on? 3. Where have you been sacrificing and neglecting yourself to please others? 4. Can you find more of a balance between your own needs and the needs of others so that this will help all of your relationships in the end? 5. Are you enabling someone and robbing them of the necessarily life experiences that are required for them to learn their own lessons and develop their own tools and realizations and summon their own power to take control of their own life and grow? 6. Are you being impatient thus sabotaging or blocking your blessings from coming your way? 7. Where is pride in showing up in your life? Have you been too rash or too harsh? 8. Have you been overly critical? Are any apologies needed? 9. What do you love about your life?10. What do you not love about your life? 11. Have you given up or are you pushing for your happy ending in life? 12. Do you have any fun? Joy? Peace? 13. Do you take good care of your self? What are you putting into your body? are you getting enough sleep? rest? care? love? rejuvenation? 14. Is your thinking more negative then positive? 15. Do you have anything good to say about life or others? 16. Are there areas where you are playing the victim in life? Are you blaming others for all of your problems or can you take responsibility for how every thought, emotion, action (or lack of action) shapes you, your prosperity, your health, your relationships and all of your life experiences?17. What are you procrastinating on? 18. When’s the last time you decluttered your home… and your mind? 19. Can you write down your feelings and experiences and let them out? 20. Where are you holding onto resentment? Who do you need to forgive? 21. What do you need to forgive yourself for? 22. If you really want things to change then what are your SOLUTIONS? 23. Haven’t you suffered long enough. Isn’t it time to let go of the past and move on? 24. The person you look at in the mirror? Is this the person you set out to be? Do you like this version of yourself? 25. Where are you staying stagnant? 26. Is there someone that is important to you and that you love so much but that you forget to tell? How can you show it? 27. When’s the last time you did something good or kind for someone else?28. What type of energy and which version of yourself are you bringing into your interactions with others. Can you give better quality? 29. Are you concerned so much with what you expect others to bring to the table without even being honest about what are you even bringing to the table? Are your expectations equal to your own actions? 30. When’s the last time you got really quiet and listened to what was in your heart? 31. How can you bring your creative talents and passion projects to life? 32. Are you worrying and forecasting and making up scenarios in your mind too much? Worrying too much attracts more things to worry about. 33. When’s the last time you were grateful for anything? 34. Have you been letting your pride become an obstacle? 35. Are you operating from your ego or your heart? 36. Have you hardened too much to emotion, life, people? How can you become softer? 37. Have you ever spent an entire day finding and focusing on everything that is good? 38. Have you ever written a list about what you love about yourself? What do you love about yourself? 39. Have you ever healed your past? 40. Is your life magic or mundane?
I often think about this. A lot of work goes in energetically in terms of divine intervention; in order to weave in the necessary series of souls that are supposed to come in and out of the winding road of your life. Whether their role was good, bad, or a bit of both…there should be so much gratitude and eternal love for their position once held in your life, for it helped mould you into this person you are today. Every player is no coincidence and has a great deal of significance. Your lovers, your enemies, your family, friends, strangers, coworkers, neighbors and even animals. Sometimes it’s the “random” person in your store with whom you exchanged deep words of wisdom, that somehow completely altered the course of events in one or both of your lives. Or perhaps it’s at your appointment with the chiropractor where you exchanged necessary information learned on your path that was the missing piece to the puzzle they’ve been waiting for. You happened to come at what may seem the “perfect coincidence” for them but in reality it’s been divinely orchestrated because you both were ready and in alignment within the web that keeps us all interconnected. Even if their role was really short lived, they still had an important impact and you’ll never be the same. Their essence became part of your essence. They are forever a part of you and your integration. Sometimes you cross a path with a person one day who gives you all of the answers, wisdom, support or nurturing that you need. They may give you some type of key to something you’ve been incessantly searching for. Do not dismiss those who play a short or minor role. Sometimes it’s years later that a meeting makes sense. Strangers too, if you are open, can change your life. There have been perfect strangers who owed me nothing in my life who have taken me in, rescued, supported, lifted me up, gave me a break or have given me the biggest gifts of my life and who have forever changed my existence… just for showing up on their door step. I also had a school teacher I owe everything to who saved my entire young adult life and continues to be an integral part of my life. On the other hand, sometimes in life people can appear to be your enemies. But they are not. This is merely an illusion. They are your best teachers, triggering core wounds that are deeply embedded within you that are crying out to be resolved through your outer circumstances and through the actions of others. Hopefully you learned from the experience and took the wisdom forward into new relationships. Deciding not to fill your heart with the darkness of unforgiveness and hatred. Rather, Instead as time passes, learning to love them for the lessons they imbue. For the clarity they gave you. So let me repeat that there are billions of people in the world. But somehow those few amounts of people ended up in YOUR reality. On your path….Why?Covid may have completely rewired your life story and put you into a completely different, but beautiful reality with a better version of yourself, with many new characters in your life “movie” (Which has absolutely been my case). I live in a new town/environment, my business model has shifted entirely, I went from 28 staff I loved to pieces down to 5, since everyone’s lives shifted. I have vibrated completely out of alignment with relationships that I was more than ready to let go of but also some that I once held onto for dear life and loved with all my heart. It happened because I let go of control. Because I followed my heart instead of my brain. I surrendered to my souls path and to my highest good, my highest timeline and I have faith and trust in every single unfolding moment. I stay in love with the mystery and magic of what God (universe, source, whatever you want to call it) is up to and orchestrating in my life. There are no Coincidences to the players in your game. So it always makes me think. What are the chances that out of a billion people, these are the people who are still playing a role in my life right now, despite everything. What are they here to teach me, support or serve in my life (good or bad) and vice Versa in the interim? Although nothing feels real or normal and the illusions of used to be or could have been have floated away on a cloud that I will never see again…what’s left over is fresh eyes, an open heart and a new beginning. Rich and fertile soil full of nutrients from everything that just burned and crumbled away ready to plant new seeds to create a whole new reality for myself. The one I always knew I deserved and was more than capable of but I had to let go of what held me back. The one where I don’t settle for anything less than beauty and purely loving experiences. The one where I completely and utterly show up as myself.What a beautiful thing it can be to completely rewrite your story from the beginning again.Re-writing it with no fear whatsoever and nothing to lose. So I ask you, what do you choose to write in this co-creation with the universe?
Oh cool. This makes so much sense. ? We can’t run our businesses that most of us poured our blood, sweat and tears into. We’re going into thousands of dollars into debt by the week. Far too many have lost their businesses already.
People are sick. People’s surgeries are cancelled. Healthcare workers are burnt the heck out. Jobs are lost. People are losing their homes. Bankruptcy, homelessness, divorce, depression, and suicide is at an all time high. People are not eating. We can’t see our families. Can’t visit your dying loved ones or have your wedding or attend a funeral or visit your new born niece/nephew or terminally-ill family in the hospital. We can’t keep up our positive mental health or wellness practices because can’t go to the gym or yoga/meditation or let your kid play their sports. Kids are beyond confused and traumatized. Parents are holding on a by a thread. You can’t go for a massage after you’ve been in a car accident BUT everyone’s allowed to go shopping at WEM in a sess pool of strangers instead and touch a billion things and rub up against each other ??
It’s solved now, but last week made no sense when you could still go to a bar or a casino and destroy your physical and mental health. Glad we finally realized how ridiculous that was and how unfair to the wellness industry and the population in general. Why are we prioritizing unnecessary and damaging activities and banning healthy ones when our people need these tools now more than EVER. Why does the darkness continue to be promoted?
Sorry but who the F is in charge around here? Nothing makes sense. Let’s get our priorities straight. Why are we sacrificing for no reason? What is everything so contradicting?
If we are trying to “limit” the spread of a virus I ask how on earth is THIS helping? Why is nothing logical? Why are unnecessary businesses open? And why are wellness practices closed? We’re all just sitting around closed for no reason because I can guarantee the cases after Christmas will be astronomical and we will get put into a full on lockdown anyway.
We already lost the world as we knew it, every sense of normalcy and our life savings. Christmas is cancelled so tell me why the heck do we need to shop for gifts? The best gift of all instead of presents would be to get this **** over with, we should have just done a strict lockdown properly in the first place 7 months AGO then we could have all moved on with our lives and rebuilt a better world together.
The only other gift that we need instead of presents and consumerism IS TO BE KIND TO EACHOTHER because that seems to have gone completely out the window because now we are just all at war. Disturbingly, with EACH OTHER. It makes me sick. The hatred, self-righteousness, and meanness is appalling. We are all struggling in some way and reality check: WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER YALL. Look up Compassion in the dictionary. The only way we will beat this darkness is to stick together, to love one another, to practice empathy, to live from our hearts and stand TOGETHER.
While you are at it, look up fairness in the dictionary too. Because that doesn’t exist apparently.
Health care professionals and businesses everywhere, parents, workers, those waiting for surgeries all over are “sacrificing” meanwhile everyone is bored from lock down and no work and so they are hanging out at the shopping malls buying gifts instead.
You can’t see me but I am going to go bang my head against the wall while the rich get richer and mental health and livelihoods of our people continue to be destroyed.
Our rights and lives have been taken away apparently for no reason and we all roll over just to turn around and get a slap in the freaking face.
Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would do unto you.”We are all unique. We all come from different life circumstances, different preferences, different motivators, different perceptions, different childhoods, different religions, different triggers, different traumas. But we’re all the same color when we turn off the lights. We all bleed when we’re wounded. We all want to love and be loved. We all want security, stability, safety. What I don’t understand when scrolling through social media is why are we SO mean to each other? Why is it so normal to participate in this concept of duality? Why do we insist on this illusion that we are separate? That one person is right and the other is wrong? Why do we condemn another for not believing in the same things? That’s an illusion, caused by the mind and the play of the senses, which make us regard the world and everything in it as real and separate from us. The terms “I”, “you”, “he”, “she” and “they” are not real. If you can change your perception to oneness you’ll realize we are all cut from the same cloth. We should trying to make the world a better place for all its inhabitants. We should be building each other up, not putting each other down. Especially during a time like this. We should be unconditionally loving each other during the good and the bad. We should be accepting one another regardless of beliefs, religion, status, gender, sex, color, etc. Step up and put an end to others suffering. We are all souls experiencing a human existence. We’re all on this roller coaster ride of life, navigating an unknown path, learning a ton of lessons, dodging a ton of bullets, and riding out the storm TOGETHER – smiles, tears and all. So why don’t we work together? We do we condemn our neighbor for believing something that is not in alignment with our beliefs? Why do we as a society bully so often? Why is there so much self-righteousness? Why don’t we be kind and respectful to each other regardless? People who feel loved and supported are healthier, happier people → this creates a ripple effect out into the world which in turns makes this a much better planet to live on.
Our 2 week vacation mostly went well and up until the last few days, we remained rather unalarmed about being in a different country during this coronavirus outbreak.
This week we could really feel the collective consciousness of DEEP FEAR in our bellies and in our minds. It’s ominous. It feels almost like we are going to war and I find myself visualizing often what that was like for those who lived during those time periods and how they recovered. A scary and surreal time indeed.
We are all traumatized for each other at this time in our life. It’s still hard to believe it’s real.
Even though all of this was going on around us we decided to enjoy our time in the sun as much as possible without feeding too much into the fear that was rampant on social media.
Instead of losing our minds; we self soothed with the ocean, the sunsets, the animals and with affection and laughter.
I’ll admit, a few times our minds allowed fear and ego to creep in and we thought “what if we lose our businesses and our home? What if we go bankrupt over this? what if we get sick? what if we get trapped here? What if there’s no food left and TP when we get home? What if our loved ones experience any of that too?”
But then we would snap each other out of it. I reminded myself that we have a home and loved ones to return to. That my dogs are safe and sound with Mom and Dean. That I have Hope, who’s my manager of the studio and is a freaking rockstar and I have a beautiful LOVING team of GOOD hearted people that I love so god damn much and good friends and family to lean on.
The thing is that there isn’t much we can control in a time like this other than proper hygiene, social distancing and quarantine. We can also control our thoughts, emotions and actions individually and together.
Completely giving into fear never gets you anywhere, it only paralyzes you. It takes all logic out of the equation. It lowers your vibration and puts your mind and your immune system in jeopardy. It eats your life and your body from the inside out.
When I felt fearful, my mantra over and over again in my head was “I am safe, I am healthy, I am guided, I am protected, everything is working out.”
I kept visualizing surrounding myself in white light. I kept enveloping the globe in white light.
I prayed and I prayed and I prayed some more: to my guides, to my ancestors, to Shirley, to the angels, to god, to whoever the heck is out there for guidance on the next steps to take and for the BEST possible outcome. I shed a few tears about what will happen to my business and I put all of my fears in the hands of all the unseen forces in our life.
When I felt fearful, I reminded myself that Gage and I have been through some extremely turbulent and traumatizing times over the years and many others through our life span and in the end we lived and all was WELL in the end even when it seemed like there was no end in sight. In fact, we learned how to live better and be better people. We grew less emotionally reactive, stronger, wiser, and found an unwavering faith that everything will always be OKAY. It’s a chance to grow, change and adapt. It’s a chance to realize who you are truly meant to be and what you truly want out of the rest of the years of your life here on earth. It’s a chance to fix what’s not working. To re-think about what foods you consume and how you can learn to grow your own so that you will never be without. It’s a chance to deepen our connection with our loved ones and with our people planet as a whole. It’s a chance to deepen your connection with yourself. To get silent and still. To be vulnerable. To share your voice.
3 years ago Gage and I were so completely different people, very fear driven, and had a major lack of faith and trust in life. So we focused on the opportunity to both see how we were handling everything on a personal level and within our marriage as a team. We knew that we didn’t have enough clear information to panic just yet and we decided to stay centered in love and joy instead and keep our spirits high.
When I was afraid I remembered there are people worse off. I sent love to the elderly, the sick, the pregnant, the poor, the fearful, the trapped, the people who’s trips and weddings are cancelled, the ones with bad health care systems and the people who cannot attend funerals of those they love.
I feel especially grateful to the medical teams and government and travel officials and the workers on the line who are scrambling and working on overdrive to figure out solutions for the country in an unknown situation that we never saw coming.
Most of all, I reminded myself that we are all in this together as an entire planet. And that more than ever it’s a time for us to shine our light. To embrace fully the most high vibrational parts of ourselves. To seek peace through meditation and to give love and compassion from our hearts to one another more than ever. All we can do is be here for each other and grow TOGETHER rather than stay in this global consciousness of illusion, selfishness and separation. We are ALL ONE. ONE tribe. ONE love. I think this might be the first time that people will finally come to understand that. After all, it might be your neighbor or a stranger who saves you by selflessly dropping groceries, money, or medicine on your door step.
By Saturday our friends and families all started to get nervous and were telling us to come home… All from a loving place, I understand that it must be scary to have your loved ones in another country during this time.
I continued to check in with my higher self and prayed as much as I could for the next best steps to take: I kept getting the same message “just wait”. So I waited.
My amazing cousins Nat and Scott kept us informed with great information the whole time and helped talk us through our options. They even FaceTimed us and tried to help us book new tickets from their computer at home. (I could still cry thinking about how supported I felt from that) I’m not gonna lie when I heard that borders may close we did start to get nervous. We panicked for a couple hours and they called us in perfect timing.
We did start to worry because we waited on hold for almost two days straight to get a hold of our airline… when we tried to make modifications online; it wouldn’t let us. Our thought was what if it doesn’t ever go through?
When I meditated I still got the same answer “just wait and you will know when is the right time to take action”
I went to bed last night and prayed hard for the answer about what to do; if we should try and get home early or wait until our scheduled flights to go home as planned on the 18th. I woke up from a nightmare (or horror film) about the Airbnb we were at and the people who own it and in the dream it just got so unbearable that we got pissed off told them they were nuts so we cancelled everything and went to the airport. The dream was so vivid and real. I took this as the sign I was praying for … that today was the day to get up and get OUT of there.
A bit of a backstory here: We were a bit mislead upon booking our last Airbnb (3 nights) and basically instead of it being a suite in a home it ended up as us sharing a whole house with an older couple who lives there. The house was nice and it had a nice pool and hot tub and private beach and while we had our own room and bathroom but the whole thing felt rather uncomfortable. I’m even quite sure they went in our room when we left for the day. We both grew up in households with super clean and organized parents so we are used to that, but these people were on a whole other level. Everytime you moved they analyzed what you were doing and constantly were trying to micromanage our plans and thoughts and the way we did things (including how to fill my glass with water and ice) from their fridge. If you left a crumb or a cup or anything god forbid. The whole thing was just weird. I found myself people pleasing just to keep myself safe, which is not an old habit I enjoy reverting back to. It’s hard to put in words the weirdness of the experience but we just wanted to get away.
That night before we were expressing we were afraid and they went off on a rant and they kept trying to control the whole situation and told us we were crazy for wanting to go home early and were lecturing us. It was uncomfortable and we just simply wanted to go home. Easy to say for them when they are in their own home in their own country.
Our biggest concern was the threats of the border closing and also that YEG airport is supposed to be closing on the 18th (which was our initial return date) we felt a bit helpless. We couldn’t get a hold of the airline for the last 2 days! We were on hold legit the whole time trying to get home early but the calls are so high you can’t get through at all! Couldn’t cancel or make changes online either.
So here’s what happened: I woke up this morning 1000% percent without a doubt we needed to go. We knew we couldn’t get a hold of the airlines after trying so we said screw it, let’s just go to the airport and see what they can escalate. We packed our shit FAST and fled the scene. We tried to do so as quietly as possible and were whispering to each other because we were terrified of what would happen when the owners woke up… What they’d say and do and we didn’t want to deal with it. It was one of the weirdest experiences I’ve ever had.
We got to the airport and at first they said couldn’t help us at the airport and said “oh you have to call your airline”! I told them I’d been on hold for days and then I asked for the supervisor and they did and somehow we pulled it all off!! They said if you are ready we can take you right now. We said let’s go!
When we landed in Seattle (which is major area of infection) … we were freaking a bit because of that but also because we only had 15 mins to get to our next plane to Edmonton!! So stressful but we ran fast and made it and somehow we ended up on first class. Phew. Score. We are home now in our own beds with our doggies, giving them so much love and belly rubs.
And we’re still not sure how the heck we worked that out and got home.
All I know is that I picked the right person to share my life with and to be quarantined with for 14 days ?
The future is not exactly clear. I don’t have the answers to anything really. But I will just hold faith for us all. That it will work out for all of us. We will all figure it out and we will all be okay.
Let the tears roll. It’s normal to feel scared and sad. You need to feel these emotions, not trap them in. If you are someone who hasn’t allowed yourself this for years, please know there is nothing wrong with you when it starts to come out and it feels SO heavy and like it will never end. It’s years worth of grief.
Be gentle on yourselves.
Put your worries on paper or pray about them.
Find the positives in the negatives.
Find mantras or affirmations or songs that soothe you.
Meditate. Do yoga.
If you have been putting out more than you’ve been putting in. Take the rest you may have never taken.
STOP updating yourself with fear articles every 2 Minutes. Take a break from social media.
Here I am in Hawaii once again, heart full with happiness.
Hawaii is the only place I ever truly feel at “HOME”, particularly on the big island. She is rooted ever so deeply In my heart and my being. She is so sacred.
I am deeply nourished by her water, earth, wind and fire.
I bathe in her essence, the aloha spirit.
I spend my days taking in her magical elements: walking barefoot, listening to the sounds of the birds, frogs and waters. I take into my eyes the stunning flowers and into my nose their sweet fragrance. I feel graced by the animals. I swim in her cleansing healing waters and I nourish myself with all of the life force filled fruits and vegetables I can lay my hands on.
I am feeling alive, restored and loved by the mana of our Mama ?
I’ve been diligently practicing and studying ancestral healing for many years now, but have immersed at a deeper level as of late through 1) trauma therapy 2) meditation 3) Ho’oponopono (radical forgiveness) and more.
I’ve been healing at rapid speed through the process of clearing emotional and energetic patterns and outdated beliefs and fears from my lineage that were not resolved and lived on in my DNA.
When we don’t clear these, they are the energies that can create imbalances, obstacles, and act as roadblocks on our pathway to our true authentic power, joy and infinite potential. Particular blocks I have been working on have been the ones preventing me from transforming and fully carrying out my soul’s mission and life’s purpose.
It’s been both an emotional and enlightening journey. I can feel my ancestors presence in my life now more than ever. I can’t imagine how I ever walked around all these years prior without this connection… it was as if I were a tree with no roots.
I spent a few days camping with my mom, tracing lines and sorting where my inherited beliefs, blessings and burdens have come from and how they have been passed down the line. My grandmother and great grandmother have been my focus lately and have been guiding me through my work. It’s much easier to find compassion for yourself and your family when you can link patterns all the way back. A good question to begin with is what traits did I inherit from my parents? What were their struggles in childhood?. Then ask your parents the same questions about their parents and what they know of their childhood. From here you can start to link.
We honor our ancestors by listening deeply to the thoughts and memories that live within our body that are similar to those that our mother/father lived out, as well as our grandmothers/grandfathers and so forth.
I’ve been so connected with my grandmother, Irene who is no longer in the physical. I want to tell you about an experience I had. The other night I sat up in my bed as couldn’t sleep, I found myself scrolling through pinterest to pass the time. As I did, I noticed some pictures of Peonies from the corner of my eye. I had stopped and stared, and thought/felt “WOW” while I sat enthralled with their beauty. Memories began to flood in and I was immediately transported to all the moments I spent visiting my memere. I would stand at the side of her house, stick my nose in the fluffy, colorful peonies and would breathe in their pleasing fragrance for hours.
The human part of me started started to feel sad for myself that stores don’t sell the cut flowers. “I have all sorts of flowers in my garden”, I thought, “but not the beloved peonies I had promised myself a long time ago”. As I continued to scroll I saw a graphic of 11:11 “your loved ones are watching over you”. I thought this was interesting because while I see the numbers 11:11 on a daily basis, my knowledge of the several meanings that the numbers bring, did not include that it could be someone who has passed. I smiled and I immediately wrapped my love for peonies and my grandmother in my heart and dozed off to sleep. Flowers and plants have always been my greatest love, a love which I got from my mother and grandmother and the love I share with other members of my family and likely the all of women before me.
The next morning I went straight to safeway to get some groceries. I unloaded my things onto the lady’s till but a thought popped clear in my mind of something I forgot. I ran to grab it. But for some reason stopped DEAD in my tracks, looked at my phone and it was 11:11 and immediately felt my memere’s presence. I looked to my left and low and behold my treasured PEONIES appeared beside me, for sale, stacked in buckets of water. For the love of god. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Spirit never seizes to amaze me. I laughed and thanked my grandmother and tried not to cry. I took some for home and some for the studio. I brought this presence with me into the rest of my day, knowing that as always I am protected, guided and loved by so many even if they are not physically standing in front of me. They are always there. The more I have worked on healing myself the more clear they come through. Their energy is not lost, it simply has changed form. Her soul is very much alive and is a vital force in my life and she is helping me to work through my healing.
This isn’t her first time showing herself through flowers… Back in 2017 we were at our wedding venue doing a tasting and preparations. My mom and I were wishing my grandmother could be there. As we exited the building this lady comes flying out of nowhere, stops and puts her face in mine and says “here! have some roses!” and then immediately vanished. We were dumbfounded, but we knew right then and there it was my grandmothers gift to us to show us she was indeed there. She just used someone else as a vessel for this message.
The signs are always there, but sometimes we are just not paying attention or sometimes we discount these signs and “coincidence”.
A week later, I had a reading with a medium and she says “your grandmother is here, I said which one? She said “she tells me she was very religious, she loved god and really loved flowers, especially roses. She says she always speaks to you by giving you flowers and in fact says gave you some flowers last week.”
Listen. Be open. Don’t doubt what you get.
Be in love with the mystery of what are they up to and conjuring for your life.
Be open to the love that exists through you and around you always.
I wasn’t going to share what I wrote about someone dear to me because I already posted it to my yoga studios blog (Buddha Belly Yoga and Wellness) and in our newsletter but not everyone follows it. I have spoken to many people in the last 2 days who seem to be struggling with something similar and maybe my outlook can help a person or two.
Kat is moving back to India in July.
It was only a matter of time before our Kitty Kat would get the travel bug again… There is just no holding down this travelling soul. Her heart was calling her back.
Writing this is particularly hard for me… I will admit I’ve cried a lot. It’s been a mixture of tears knowing I am losing her physical presence but also tears of joy for her new beginning as well as my own (I’ve had many of those this year). I am so sad to see her go as she has really been such an important part to our Buddha Belly Team. Kat has been teaching, doing workshops, assisting with managing the studio and holding up the front desk. Most importantly she has been like a sister to me. She is unconditionally loving, strong, loyal, smart, silly, conscious, self-aware, grounded, caring, trustworthy, understanding, reliable, creative and talented. I have so much gratitude for all she has done for me and I have so much love in my heart for her. I don’t know what I would have done without her this past year. It was truly an honor to have her be part of my life and our studio, if only for a while.
Let me tell you that Kat came right at a time that I needed her the most. Yes, owning a studio is fulfilling, beautiful and humbling but it is also one of the hardest roads I have had ever had to walk in my life. There is so much that goes on inside of it all that no one sees. Throughout this time, Kat always had my back. She has held space for me, stepped into places where there was need, and picked me up so many times when I was down. <3 Kat has also befriended many of you around the studio and I know that her presence and yoga classes will be very missed. So please soak her up while you can and please be sure to give her lots of hugs and encouragement as this change is also very hard for her because her of love for the studio and all of us staff and students who are part of it.
I truly honor her for listening to the strong calling that she has had to get back to India…We all have a “soul home” and India is hers. Kat says she plans to come back to us … so lets cross our fingers and hope that she does. If she doesn’t however, we will need to trust that this is what’s best for Kat’s life and bless her journey. I know its not goodbye, just farewell!
Having the studio has taught me to honor and accept departures with total ease and grace. I trust in the choices and journey of those who are leaving, and I trust in Divine that the new space that’s been created in the intricate web of life will always be filled with exactly what we need in the right divine timing.
Shauna Behiel taught me a long time ago that people come into your life for: 1) a reason 2) a season 3) a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person. This viewpoint has been incredibly helpful for me over the last few years.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. — Unknown
To the students and staff: It’s times like this that I realized how blessed I am to know so many beautiful souls, no matter for how long. Students and staff always come and go but they stay in my heart forever. There was a time in my life when I felt like an alien lost from my planet. What I didn’t know, was that my soul was needing my tribe. The studio has been the missing piece to my puzzle. There is no longer something missing from my heart because my heart is all of you who are part of our community. Its the little things… the smiles, the caring, the hugs, the laughs, the love, the support, the wisdom, the rawness, the realness, the conscious conversations. From my heart to yours, you mean so much to me and I LOVE YOU ALL. This studio would not be possible without the customers who so graciously keep us running and the staff who make it what it is <3 I would be so lost without you.