We made it HOME.
Our 2 week vacation mostly went well and up until the last few days, we remained rather unalarmed about being in a different country during this coronavirus outbreak.
This week we could really feel the collective consciousness of DEEP FEAR in our bellies and in our minds. It’s ominous. It feels almost like we are going to war and I find myself visualizing often what that was like for those who lived during those time periods and how they recovered. A scary and surreal time indeed.
We are all traumatized for each other at this time in our life. It’s still hard to believe it’s real.
Even though all of this was going on around us we decided to enjoy our time in the sun as much as possible without feeding too much into the fear that was rampant on social media.
Instead of losing our minds; we self soothed with the ocean, the sunsets, the animals and with affection and laughter.
I’ll admit, a few times our minds allowed fear and ego to creep in and we thought “what if we lose our businesses and our home? What if we go bankrupt over this? what if we get sick? what if we get trapped here? What if there’s no food left and TP when we get home? What if our loved ones experience any of that too?”
But then we would snap each other out of it. I reminded myself that we have a home and loved ones to return to. That my dogs are safe and sound with Mom and Dean. That I have Hope, who’s my manager of the studio and is a freaking rockstar and I have a beautiful LOVING team of GOOD hearted people that I love so god damn much and good friends and family to lean on.
The thing is that there isn’t much we can control in a time like this other than proper hygiene, social distancing and quarantine. We can also control our thoughts, emotions and actions individually and together.
Completely giving into fear never gets you anywhere, it only paralyzes you. It takes all logic out of the equation. It lowers your vibration and puts your mind and your immune system in jeopardy. It eats your life and your body from the inside out.
When I felt fearful, my mantra over and over again in my head was “I am safe, I am healthy, I am guided, I am protected, everything is working out.”
I kept visualizing surrounding myself in white light. I kept enveloping the globe in white light.
I prayed and I prayed and I prayed some more: to my guides, to my ancestors, to Shirley, to the angels, to god, to whoever the heck is out there for guidance on the next steps to take and for the BEST possible outcome. I shed a few tears about what will happen to my business and I put all of my fears in the hands of all the unseen forces in our life.
When I felt fearful, I reminded myself that Gage and I have been through some extremely turbulent and traumatizing times over the years and many others through our life span and in the end we lived and all was WELL in the end even when it seemed like there was no end in sight. In fact, we learned how to live better and be better people. We grew less emotionally reactive, stronger, wiser, and found an unwavering faith that everything will always be OKAY. It’s a chance to grow, change and adapt. It’s a chance to realize who you are truly meant to be and what you truly want out of the rest of the years of your life here on earth. It’s a chance to fix what’s not working. To re-think about what foods you consume and how you can learn to grow your own so that you will never be without. It’s a chance to deepen our connection with our loved ones and with our people planet as a whole. It’s a chance to deepen your connection with yourself. To get silent and still. To be vulnerable. To share your voice.
3 years ago Gage and I were so completely different people, very fear driven, and had a major lack of faith and trust in life. So we focused on the opportunity to both see how we were handling everything on a personal level and within our marriage as a team. We knew that we didn’t have enough clear information to panic just yet and we decided to stay centered in love and joy instead and keep our spirits high.
When I was afraid I remembered there are people worse off. I sent love to the elderly, the sick, the pregnant, the poor, the fearful, the trapped, the people who’s trips and weddings are cancelled, the ones with bad health care systems and the people who cannot attend funerals of those they love.
I feel especially grateful to the medical teams and government and travel officials and the workers on the line who are scrambling and working on overdrive to figure out solutions for the country in an unknown situation that we never saw coming.
Most of all, I reminded myself that we are all in this together as an entire planet. And that more than ever it’s a time for us to shine our light. To embrace fully the most high vibrational parts of ourselves. To seek peace through meditation and to give love and compassion from our hearts to one another more than ever. All we can do is be here for each other and grow TOGETHER rather than stay in this global consciousness of illusion, selfishness and separation. We are ALL ONE. ONE tribe. ONE love. I think this might be the first time that people will finally come to understand that. After all, it might be your neighbor or a stranger who saves you by selflessly dropping groceries, money, or medicine on your door step.
By Saturday our friends and families all started to get nervous and were telling us to come home… All from a loving place, I understand that it must be scary to have your loved ones in another country during this time.
I continued to check in with my higher self and prayed as much as I could for the next best steps to take: I kept getting the same message “just wait”. So I waited.
My amazing cousins Nat and Scott kept us informed with great information the whole time and helped talk us through our options. They even FaceTimed us and tried to help us book new tickets from their computer at home. (I could still cry thinking about how supported I felt from that) I’m not gonna lie when I heard that borders may close we did start to get nervous. We panicked for a couple hours and they called us in perfect timing.
We did start to worry because we waited on hold for almost two days straight to get a hold of our airline… when we tried to make modifications online; it wouldn’t let us. Our thought was what if it doesn’t ever go through?
When I meditated I still got the same answer “just wait and you will know when is the right time to take action”
I went to bed last night and prayed hard for the answer about what to do; if we should try and get home early or wait until our scheduled flights to go home as planned on the 18th. I woke up from a nightmare (or horror film) about the Airbnb we were at and the people who own it and in the dream it just got so unbearable that we got pissed off told them they were nuts so we cancelled everything and went to the airport. The dream was so vivid and real. I took this as the sign I was praying for … that today was the day to get up and get OUT of there.
A bit of a backstory here: We were a bit mislead upon booking our last Airbnb (3 nights) and basically instead of it being a suite in a home it ended up as us sharing a whole house with an older couple who lives there. The house was nice and it had a nice pool and hot tub and private beach and while we had our own room and bathroom but the whole thing felt rather uncomfortable. I’m even quite sure they went in our room when we left for the day. We both grew up in households with super clean and organized parents so we are used to that, but these people were on a whole other level. Everytime you moved they analyzed what you were doing and constantly were trying to micromanage our plans and thoughts and the way we did things (including how to fill my glass with water and ice) from their fridge. If you left a crumb or a cup or anything god forbid. The whole thing was just weird. I found myself people pleasing just to keep myself safe, which is not an old habit I enjoy reverting back to. It’s hard to put in words the weirdness of the experience but we just wanted to get away.
That night before we were expressing we were afraid and they went off on a rant and they kept trying to control the whole situation and told us we were crazy for wanting to go home early and were lecturing us. It was uncomfortable and we just simply wanted to go home. Easy to say for them when they are in their own home in their own country.
Our biggest concern was the threats of the border closing and also that YEG airport is supposed to be closing on the 18th (which was our initial return date) we felt a bit helpless. We couldn’t get a hold of the airline for the last 2 days! We were on hold legit the whole time trying to get home early but the calls are so high you can’t get through at all! Couldn’t cancel or make changes online either.
So here’s what happened: I woke up this morning 1000% percent without a doubt we needed to go. We knew we couldn’t get a hold of the airlines after trying so we said screw it, let’s just go to the airport and see what they can escalate. We packed our shit FAST and fled the scene. We tried to do so as quietly as possible and were whispering to each other because we were terrified of what would happen when the owners woke up… What they’d say and do and we didn’t want to deal with it. It was one of the weirdest experiences I’ve ever had.
We got to the airport and at first they said couldn’t help us at the airport and said “oh you have to call your airline”! I told them I’d been on hold for days and then I asked for the supervisor and they did and somehow we pulled it all off!! They said if you are ready we can take you right now. We said let’s go!
When we landed in Seattle (which is major area of infection) … we were freaking a bit because of that but also because we only had 15 mins to get to our next plane to Edmonton!! So stressful but we ran fast and made it and somehow we ended up on first class. Phew. Score. We are home now in our own beds with our doggies, giving them so much love and belly rubs.
And we’re still not sure how the heck we worked that out and got home.
All I know is that I picked the right person to share my life with and to be quarantined with for 14 days ?
The future is not exactly clear. I don’t have the answers to anything really. But I will just hold faith for us all. That it will work out for all of us. We will all figure it out and we will all be okay.
Let the tears roll. It’s normal to feel scared and sad. You need to feel these emotions, not trap them in. If you are someone who hasn’t allowed yourself this for years, please know there is nothing wrong with you when it starts to come out and it feels SO heavy and like it will never end. It’s years worth of grief.
Be gentle on yourselves.
Put your worries on paper or pray about them.
Find the positives in the negatives.
Find mantras or affirmations or songs that soothe you.
Meditate. Do yoga.
If you have been putting out more than you’ve been putting in. Take the rest you may have never taken.
STOP updating yourself with fear articles every 2 Minutes. Take a break from social media.
I love you guys.
I’m here for you, whatever you need.
We’re in this together.