I can confidently say that my solo trip to Hawaii was best 3.5 weeks I’ve ever had in my entire life.
Every meal was made for me, yoga classes and meditation at my doorstep, adventures each new day. I camped on a beach, slept in a treehouse, swam with turtles, saw some wales, went to a full moon drumming circle on the beach, saw a volcano, climbed above waterfalls, took selfies with chickens, floated in the warm pond at night and watched the stars, lived in harmony with the Pigs and Geckos, watched the sun and moon rise and set and took hula lessons.
What was really interesting was I didn’t realize I was going to a gay predominant resort. That was a big surprise but it was super awesome and diverse! I got to watch them be free, be themselves, own who they are and it was so freakin beautiful! They were in a state of pure joy. I got to to be a part of their matrix for days on end, which normally I wouldn’t get as an opportunity. Sometimes I felt left out, but that’s what lead me to internalize and reflect, which turned out to be a good thing. Just me and god trying to make sense of where I’ve been and where I’m going.
Hawaii was an amalgamation of a multitude of experiences. Experiences that helped me to know myself better. So many conscious conversations and realizations to remind me of who I really am and what I am really capable of. It brought to surface all the wounds I have not yet healed in myself, but it also showed me what I love about myself, what is hidden inside of me, what I forgot about my self. Turns out I am charming as hell! If you put me in a country by myself with other like minded conscious people, I’ll have more friends in 3 days than I have made in my entire life in Canada.
I found that in life it’s not just simply a matter of what happens out there in the world, but also what is going on internally. The Universe and your surroundings rearrange themselves to bring you what you believe based on the thoughts and beliefs, expectations and unhealed traumas inside of you. Everything inside of you is reflected in your existing reality. You cannot see in another what you cannot see in yourself. What you see in another is either a quality you admire or a quality that needs to be changed. What you expect and forecast into the future, is what will happen. So it is literally “as within so without”. The quality of your thoughts are creating your life in every single moment. Every thought is a prayer.
I definitely found what I was looking for there, which turned out to be MYSELF. In everyday life, I got so easily absorbed in the lives of everyone around me, only identifying with duties, family and business first. I’ve been de-prioritizing myself and my business for other people. Sometimes you have to lose the distractions/people in your life to realize what you really are at the core and what the hell you want. Not what everyone else tells you that you are or should be or should do. This trip presented plenty of time to introspect and embrace the silence around me. It wasn’t until I was calmer than a cucumber, that I realized I am actually batshit crazy. Why am I running around 24 hours of the day trying to be everything to everyone and forgetting to do what makes me happy? I forgot how to have fun as easily as I forget where my glasses are. Silly me for always taking a rain cheque on myself, for never doing anything I enjoy. If I’m not happy I can’t actually be present or pleasant to anyone else around me. A happy loved me, enables me to love and care for everyone else around me. It also helps to enjoy their company instead of wishing they would leave so that I can get back to my business.
Traveling solo reminded me of what I actually choose to do when I am all by myself. Do I sleep late or rise early? Do yoga? Meditate? Journal? Join a Dance class? make friends with strangers? Do I watch every sunset or moon rise? or do I read 2 books back to back? go on a spontaneous adventure? have cereal for supper? Beer at breakfast? Do I get lost in the forest? Do I lay in my bed for 8 hours watching the sun go up and then go down? Do I say yes to adventure or play it safe? do I answer my text messages or no? Do I tell people to piss off when they are out of line? So, for the rest of my life do I want to focus on true self-expression and self-actualization by seeking experiences and activities which provide ultimate personal fulfillment within life on the physical plane? Yup. I am not interested in anything other than doing something I love well, living up to my true potential, and finding inner satisfaction.
Travelling alone helped me become more comfortable going with the flow. I realized that if I just surrendered to the universe and had zero expectations, that I would be provided for in ways that I could not have even imagined. I would pray for something that seemed outrageous like, ” universe thank you for making me money today”. “Universe that you for finding someone to drive me to the beach.” Everyday my mind was blown over and over again. Everything I asked for, I got. Every day proved to me that I was in the flow. Molecules were moving for me. I was indeed in the right place at the right time. My intuition called me there and I trusted and responded appropriately. Everyday was a beautiful day, full of gifts, beautiful experiences and beautiful souls. My god the people. I have never truly loved so many people instantaneously in my whole life, nor have I had that many conscious conversations in sun a short amount of time. It was like I knew them my whole life. I felt really seen and heard and understood. I was able to cultivate some life long relationships with some pretty incredible, interesting, loving and wise people. The thing was … because of my awareness and openness, all of these people, some more than others, mirrored back to me, little things about myself. Good and bad. But it changed me forever.
My trip was about learning what else I was scared of, what I have been ignoring, what I should NOT be putting up with. It was about looking fear in the eyes, living on the edge, letting go of judgment, getting back to myself, owning my rebelliousness, throwing the rules out the window, challenging my boundaries and saying yes to things I would normally say no to out of fear, but sticking up for myself and putting some boundaries in places that have been missing. IT’S TIME TO FIRE THE PEOPLE WHO DON’T BELIEVE IN ME.
Chatter got big while I was away. To most I was inspirational, ballsy, or remarkable and that my actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more (which I agree to) but on the opposite spectrum to some, I hear through the grapevine that I was selfish, crazy, bad or having a mental breakdown. For the love of Pete. It was a BREAKTHROUGH people, not a breakdown. In life, there is a need every now and then to find some time and space for introspection to reflect within oneself. God forbid someone goes on a journey of self, or does something spontaneous or has one last time alone before a marriage or children, or takes a hiatus and fresh air 3 weeks before a big business endeavor begins and my ass gets to be inside 14 hours a day for 7 days a week manning a business. BAHHH. This equally frustrates me and makes me shake my head. Who/what are you living for? Are you even living? How can you turn something so beautiful into something so negative? Do you do that daily? What about the greater meaning? What about the clarity and consciousness? Jeeze. Wake up and smell the roses. Your living in the mental stone ages. Negative and fear consumed, unkind people get the hell out of my life, PLEASE!
The taste of freedom away from these people and the bliss of nature grew into a strong desire to abandon the superficial existence. This means those superficial people too. Although, for the past two years I’ve been headed to an existence of an authentic individual, this trip most definitely accelerated it. I became more aware of my thoughts, choices, patterns, behaviors and my surroundings back at home. I was able to step back and re-evaluate my life and environment. I realized there are still some people I should not allow into my life or my thoughts. I allow people to think they are entitled to their opinions of how I run my life or business. Or that I should be at their beckon call. I realized that I am lacking some serious boundaries with most people in my life. I am a natural born leader, entrepreneur, risk taker, go getter, fear puncher in the facer, old habit breaker, conscious awakener, spiritual guider. Risk taking is in my blood and I CANT live without it. The thought of a vanilla life with vanilla people, makes me gag just thinking about it. If you have an issue with what I do and how I do it, it says more about you than it says about me, so I’m going to stop taking it personally and stay true to my inner callings. I believe in myself and my ideas and talents and no more will I try and convince people in my life to believe in that when they will be forever committed to misunderstanding me. I honor and love my craziness, because guess what? It’s the crazy ones who end up making a difference in the world. Calculated risks make the difference between an ordinary and an extraordinary life.
We have 4 types of people in this world who operate this way in life, love, relationships and career:
1. People who find comfort in security and are totally fine that there will be little mystery or excitement with that. It’s what they genuinely want; (ok, awesome, fair enough)
2. People who secretly want different and want more but are too afraid of the risks or what other people think to go get it or they lack discipline and gumption; (ok, I get it, its scary, but you can do it!)
3. People who want more but are trapped due to taking care of an ill or disabled family member; (very understandable this season you are in)
4. People who see past the restrictions go and get everything and anything their heart desires even if it means crying and stumbling a lot along the way (YAH!) You even see disabled people doing this. Their perseverance is so inspiring despite all the odds against them.
I don’t have an issue or pass judgment on any of these scenarios. I would like otherwise for you, because I know you can do it, but it’s your life but just do me a favor and don’t criticize other peoples lives or their ideas or risks or life purpose. (Here’s some advice only in the case where you don’t like your life and you want change) It’s easy to stay where you are even you don’t like it. I get that its easy to to play it safe and play it small….but guess what? nothing changes! And when nothing changes, you feel stuck and alone and miserable and its no one’s fault but your own. You are not a tree, so move damnit! Get sick enough of your circumstances that you decide to have a breakthrough and make a change. You deserve to have a life you love and I want you to have it. Growth can only happen when you step out of you comfort zone. Yes its scary, but Befriend fear! You know what fear is? it’s just the border of the life you currently know. Our vision lives outside of our comfort zone. What’s your vision? What do you love? Follow the spark of interest. What do you want? Pay attention to those longings and discontents, they are there for a reason… they are your answer. Once you make up your mind and get clear, molecules will move, doors will open for you, but until then a fuzzy picture provides fuzzy results. PEOPLE COME ON. In this exact moment in time, we are living in the safest place, at the safest time, with the most opportunity, technology, resources, in human history! Life expectancy and education are on the rise!!! We have Antibiotics, modern sanitation, household wealth, birth control. Females have rights. We had a black president. We have electricity and instant running water. We have air conditioning. No need to forage for food, we have grocery stores on every block. No need to washboard your clothes or hand wash your dishes, why we have washing machines for those! So how is it possible to be living in the safest time in human history, yet at the exact same time to be so scared? The real respect here lies with those ancestors who risked it all with little to nothing. No google, no grants, no GPS, no courses, no counselling, no visa, no uber, no computers with infinite resources at your fingertips. They didn’t have the ability to communicate instantaneously to people on other side of planet by texting, emailing, Facebook and calling – they used telegrams or mail. At one point they didn’t have cars, motorcycles, buses, boats, trains and planes. Reality check, WE CAN FLY!!! How lucky are we? What about when there was no airplanes? (thanks Jon for the reminder). You had to travel by boat or horse or foot yo. It took 30 years to get from New York to California. OH THE LAND OF OPPORTUNITY. I have no excuse but to persevere, after all I am given a vast ocean of opportunity and choices.
I spent most of my life listening to “conventional wisdom” and felt really guilty that it didn’t resonate. It took me years to realize I was unhappy because I was listening that that garbage. Those are OLD beliefs and OLD paradigms. I was trying to fit into a box that I didn’t belong in. Life is not black and white. It is in color. I’ve learned that people do not particularly like it when life changes, and life always changes, which irritates them. If you aren’t changing you are dying inside. The world is changing a lot right now, and except for the recession, is generally improving. But that involves everybody learning new stuff and thinking differently, which usually seems to piss off most people over the age of forty. Don’t buy into that nonsense. Like I said, this is the best time in human history, and it’s only going to get better.
I want to look back at my life on my death bed and be damn proud and satisfied with what I Created! I don’t want to come to the end of my life to find out that I haven’t really lived at all. If that’s what you want and you want to settle in your life for a job you don’t like, a marriage you despise, no money in your bank account, people that treat you like shit, zero personal growth, that’s cool that’s your choice, but where my choice comes in is where people come crying to me about how much their life sucks when they do absolutely NOTHING to change it. And it becomes the same sob story for years and years and years. No more. Respect me by leaving me out of it please. I choose not to be involved ever again. I work incredibly hard to maintain my happiness and I won’t allow anyone to affect that again. Every problem has a solution. So find the right formula. And every person is responsible for the course of their lives. Not me. I have to stop taking on other people’s problems and trying to solve it for them.
Here’s the thing about life and risks and living on the edge. It ain’t always going to be glamorous but it will be worth it.
You can’t win a game of bowling without throwing the ball down the lane. If you don’t get all the pins do you sit down and cry and give up? No, you track your score and adjust your technique next time. You set the pins back up and throw that ball again. You win some, you lose some. When problems arise in business or personal life, this just provides you the chance to set the pins up again and throw the ball again from a new angle. You most likely have what it takes to complete the game. You just can’t give up. So don’t be afraid when the ball doesn’t end up in the right place. Try again. And well, if you never play the game, you’ll never know.